When the job search wears you down
A job search is lonely, and it messes with how you see yourself. When you've given so much of yourself to a role, losing it, or chasing the next one, can feel personal.
Most of the time it isn't. A rejection is usually about timing, budget, or someone they already had in mind.
You're more than the job you had. You're more than the job you're about to get. Take care of the person doing the searching.
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- The free stuff
Give the search a schedule
It feels like you should search every waking hour. The research says otherwise. A 2022 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology followed job seekers week by week and found that the ones who mentally stepped away from the search felt more recovered, and that recovery showed up as more energy and effort in the search itself.
So pick your hours. Do the applications, the messages and the practice in that window. Then close the laptop and go do something that has nothing to do with work.
Talk to someone before it gets bad
You don't have to be in crisis to call someone. Warmlines are free lines answered by peers, people who have been through hard stretches themselves. You can call just because the week was rough. Warmline.org lists them by state, and the NAMI HelpLine can point you to support near you.
Job clubs help too. Being in a room with people in the same spot takes some of the shame out of it, and they share leads.
If you were just laid off (US)
- Health coverage: losing job-based insurance gives you 60 days to sign up for a plan on HealthCare.gov.
- Unemployment: file with your state as soon as you can. CareerOneStop links to every state's office.
- Bills, food and rent: call or text 211, or visit 211.org, for local help.
- Training money: ask your American Job Center about WIOA. More on the free training page.
Be kind to yourself on purpose
Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend who got the same rejection email. Kristin Neff, who researches self-compassion, has free guided practices that take a few minutes. It sounds soft. It helps.
The free stuff
Start here7
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Warmline directory
Find free peer support lines by state, for when you need to talk but it isn't an emergency.
The catch: Hours vary by line. Some are not 24/7.
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NAMI HelpLine
Free peer support, information and referrals by phone, text or chat from the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
The catch: Not a crisis line, and not open around the clock.
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Self-Compassion.org
Kristin Neff's free guided practices and exercises for being less brutal with yourself.
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Mental Health America: warmlines explained
What a warmline is and how to find one, plus free, private mental health screening tools.
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HealthCare.gov special enrollment
Lost job-based insurance? You have 60 days to enroll in a Marketplace plan.
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211
Call or text 211 for local help with food, rent, utilities and benefits. Free and confidential.
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Unemployment benefits finder
Links to every state's unemployment office, from the Department of Labor.
Good, with a catch2
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Experience Unlimited job clubs
Free job clubs run by California's employment department: leads, resume feedback and people in the same boat.
The catch: California only. Outside California, ask your American Job Center about job clubs near you.
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Self-Compassion Break
A five-minute exercise from UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, for right after a rejection lands.
Things I made
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HabitSync
Track mood, sleep and habits, then see which ones line up with your better days. Handy when a job search is wrecking your routine.
The free plan covers mood, sleep and more. Some features are paid.
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Productivity guilt
Why rest can feel wrong, and why doing more won't fix it. It pairs well with the research above on stepping away from the search.
Free to read.
Questions people ask
Is it normal to feel depressed while job searching?
Yes. A long search is hard on almost everyone. If it's getting heavy, talk to someone: a friend, a warmline, or a doctor. If you're thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988.
How do I cope with rejection after rejection?
Remember most rejections are about their timing and budget, not you. Keep your search to set hours, stay around people, and count the things you control, like applications sent and conversations had.
What should I do right after being laid off?
File for unemployment, sort out health coverage within 60 days, and take a few days before diving in. Then set a schedule for the search.
What is a warmline?
A free, confidential phone or chat line answered by peers who've lived through hard times. It's for when you need to talk, before things become a crisis.